On Taking Hobbies Too Seriously

2026.03.08

I find myself wishing that I viewed creative activities the same way the average person does: something to provide temporary relief in this late-stage capitalist nightmare. Respected enough to be considered a valid pastime but nothing beyond that. However, I am but a silly goose that yearns for enough hours in the day to earnestly pursue creative endeavors. I want to create regularly enough to make complete works within reasonable timeframes - not just "side projects" that update every other month before falling off into indefinite hiatus halfway into the first installation.

Do I want my personal projects to serve as my day job? I'm not sure. Income concerns aside, there's a tech-oriented itch in my head that can't be scratched by personal projects alone. But I, to an embarrassing extent, at least want to make enough money to "justify" the hours I put into my projects; I view money as a means to legitimize my work as something with a path forward. Hobbies are generally regarded as no-pressure activities you're free to go at a snail's pace or even stagnate in, because it doesn't matter as long as you have fun or feel relaxed afterwards.

As it stands, however, my skill level doesn't justify this longing. I wish I was good enough to want this for myself.

Critical as I may be of the system, a part of me is still propagandized by its profit-oriented values. Internalized ableism, I suppose.